


Anything Less Than I Love You Is Lying

by Beautyofit



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-03
Updated: 2012-09-03
Packaged: 2017-11-13 12:04:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/503361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beautyofit/pseuds/Beautyofit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something wasn’t right. Something had changed. Harry had changed; not much, but enough to change everything about them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anything Less Than I Love You Is Lying

**Author's Note:**

> So my ipod got stuck on only playing artists beginning with J a couple of days ago (How I will never know) so after listening to Jessie J and John Mayer a lot, my mind got to wandering... This wasn’t meant to be as long as it turned out. I didn’t really have much of a plan while writing this and how it turned out even surprised me! This is set like 5 years into the future as well, so the boys are all 22 except louis(23). The italics are lyrics, just a head's up even though it's pretty obvious.

_Attention! Attention!  
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,  
if only, if only for one second.  
Will you hear what I have to say?_   
  
Liam ran his hand back and forth over the dark counter, tracing the markings. The swirls and engravings, the light and dark moulding together perfectly; effortlessly. He wondered if he’d ever have that. A spot. A dark spot he noted, sat proud and upfront, out of place in the patters swirling on the wood. He snorted to himself. Of course he couldn’t fit anywhere. He was the spot in the group. The one pushed out as ‘the mature one’. Left to do everything and organise everything while his friends messed around and caused havoc wherever they went. Didn’t they realise that’s what he wanted? He wanted to be part of that, to be part of them. Properly. They’ve known him for over Five years, surely they’ve realised by now? His eyes found the spot again, tracing it softly with his fingertips. No. Of course they haven’t.  
  
The laughter snatched Liam back from his thoughts. Louis and Harry were in the other room, laughing around as they always do. He wondered if they realised he was even in here? Probably not. He could imagine the scene in his head, having seen it so many times. Harry would be pinned under Louis, giggling and pretending to push him off while Louis smiled down at him affectionately and whispered into his ear, biting it and kissing it better. They were always like this. Had always been like this since they made it official 3 years ago. But it wasn’t until earlier this year that Niall and Zayn decided if Harry and Louis could do it, they could too. Liam didn’t even know what to think at first when the four guys would just randomly kiss or flirt with ease together, nothing worrying them. How was it possible that they could be in some kind of... kind of... well he wasn’t even sure what they were? But he refused to get into it.   
  
But he wanted too.  _With him._  
  
But he wouldn’t go there.  
  
He wasn’t wanted there.  
  
He sighed, burning out the noises in the next room. He stroked his fingers over the spot once more, gazing at it, longing for it to shrink back in the pattern. But still it stood, proud as day staring back at him. Taunting him, pestering him.   
  
“Liam! Babes, what are you even doing?” Louis loudly entered the room, messy hair and crinkled clothes along with him. “You look like someone just ran over your cat or something.”  
  
“I don’t have a cat.” Liam would have been surprised at his tone if he could even muster the energy for that. Dry and Sarcastic.  
  
“Well obviously you goon!” Louis chuckles, reaching for the orange juice and pouring two glasses of it. “Want some?” He gestures with the carton.  
  
Liam raises his eyebrows and pouts. “No.”  
  
“Bloody hell, Liam. You’ve had a face like a slapped ass for ages now!” Louis huffs, turning around and placing the juice back in its place in the fridge. Liam has a fleeting moment of jealously that even the damn orange juice has a place, when he doesn’t. “I don’t know what the hell has happened to you, but I hope you snap out of it soon mate.”  
  
Liam glares at the retreating figure. So apparently someone has noticed his mood swings. They just don’t care enough to talk to him. Brilliant. He feels his hand subconsciously slide across the spot once more. At ease knowing he wasn’t quite the only thing in this house out of place.  
  
-  
  
 _Half of my heart’s got a grip on the situation,  
Half of my heart’s got you_  
  
“Brought you some drink, Curly.” Louis smiles and plonks himself back down next to Harry.  
  
Harry smiles and takes the drink greatly, sipping at it and placing on the table. Watching as Louis mimics his actions. Harry feels himself smiling, not for any particular reason, and leans his head on Louis’ shoulder. He feels Louis’ arm slip round him as he leans them both back on the sofa. Harry snuggles closer and tilts his head to press a kiss to the older man’s neck. He sighs and sinks into the familiar embrace, but he can’t help but let his mind wander.  
  
Liam walks in, catching his gaze with Harry’s. He smiles barely, looking disgruntled and walks quickly past them out the door to the garden.   
  
Harry frowns. When had Liam stopped talking to them? He was their best friend, yet lately it felt as though he was just the ghost who lived here. He feels Louis, rub his back gently, sensing his worries. Harry subconsciously holds him tighter not wanting to think about if he lost Louis as well. He needed Louis.  
  
“Hey, stop thinking so hard. I can hear it. ” Louis whispers gently into Harry’s curls, pressing a kiss to them.   
  
Harry snorts silently and tilts his face up to see Louis looking down at him, smirk gracing his lips. Harry smiles gently, silently thanking the older man for just being there through whatever it is Liam’s inflicting on everyone else. Or, inflicting on Harry at least. Louis scrunches his nose up playfully and brushes it against Harry’s. Harry presses his lips to Louis’ for a fleeting moment, needing the comfort, the normality. Louis does nothing, but hold on tight and kiss him abundantly.   
  
-  
  
 _Steady my breathing, silently screaming  
I have to have you now._  
  
The glow of the lights made everyone in the room look so peaceful and at ease. Liam almost finds himself laughing out loud. Peaceful? He wishes he could get some damn peace, but that seems impossible as Niall is currently trying (and failing) to get Harry’s attention and Louis is feeling up Zayn on the sofa next to him. He purposefully fixes his eyes on Harry. The only one who seems to be in his own world. The only one who’s not fooling around with someone right in front of him. The only one he truly wants to look at. He studies the younger man. His curls half flopping in front of his eyes, framing his face perfectly. There’s one curl that sits down slightly longer than the rest. The one Harry seems to always play with whenever he’s absent minded, Liam’s noticed. He finds himself smiling slightly at the thought. His gaze flitters over Harry’s face, eyelashes casting perfect shadows under the yellow glow of the dim lights. He catches his eyes on his lips; Harry absently biting away at his lower lip and Liam can’t help but mimic his actions at the sight. Harry looks damn good, but Liam would never tell him that. Sitting there in his dark purple polo shirt and dark black jeans, biting at his lip and pushing his curls away from his face.  
  
God he wanted him.   
  
He’d known for a long while he’d wanted Harry. He guesses that’s what started his downward spiral, as such. Louis got Harry. Louis  _claimed_  Harry. And worse than that, Liam thinks, Harry didn’t even protest. Like he knew Louis would eventually claim him for his own and just went with it. Liam would have talked to him about it, if he ever got a moment alone with Harry. But of course that didn’t happen. Louis was far too happy with being able to pull Harry away from everyone whenever he wanted to ever allow anyone some time with him. Liam could feel himself getting angry just thinking about it. Louis had made it crystal clear that Harry was his, only his. Then he goes and invites Niall and Zayn to join in, but yet still made it very clear Harry was his. As if they would ever forget. Liam meanwhile gets completely left out, and all because he went to visit his sister and her new baby. A part of him wishes he’d never gone to see her that day, and then maybe it could have been different around here. Maybe he could be part of this...whatever it is. But another part of him, a bigger part of him, wishes he’d never came back.   
  
He’s snapped out of his thoughts by a vulgar noise from the sofa next to him. Great. Zayn was definitely enjoying whatever the hell Louis was doing. Liam would rather not know what was going on under that blanket, thanks. He sighs and glances across to Niall and Harry. Niall looked to be in a huff and Harry seemed to be apologising. Huh, maybe he’d only have to deal with two quarters of the guys keeping him up tonight. He winced as Harry pressed a quick kiss to Niall’s lips and stroked his cheek gently, muttering something to him.   
Liam almost choked; his chest seemed to clench up too tight. He forced himself to breathe deeply and shake it off. He was used to this by now. He was a pro at shaking thing’s off by now. He grumbled lightly to himself and heaved himself off the sofa, marching past everyone and into the garden. The outdoor lights allow him to vaguely see where he was going. Although he knew the route like the back of his hand anyway.   
  
The water cascaded down the rocks almost delicately. Liam had found himself here again; at the bottom of the garden, hidden by the swaying trees. The only light coming from the tiny lights in the water feature. Watching the water carelessly blanket the rocks and get swirled around at the bottom before being pulled back up again. It was a carefully thought out structure. A continuous chain of events, replaying and replaying. Liam almost felt sorry for the water, being pushed and pulled and constantly falling over and over the sharp rocks. He wished there was a way to break the chain, to change the fountain and make it something different. Although he supposed, he was only being selfish. It was just a fountain. It was his own life he wanted to change. He wanted to dive into the air and reappear somewhere far away. He wanted to leave this mess behind and start anew. But yet he didn’t. He wanted to go back to how it was. He didn’t want to leave his boys. No matter how much of a pariah he felt.   
  
 _So baby let me be your soldier,  
Don't be overtaken by pride.   
Just close your eyes, take my hand,   
Promise to keep us alive._  
  
“Liam?”   
  
Liam turned his head to the gentle voice, shocked he was no longer alone. “I’m here.”  
  
The trees rustled for a second before the branch was pulled back and a mop of curls appeared through the gap. Harry smiled softly to him and made his way to sit down on the rock next to Liam.   
  
“So, this is where you hide out?” He asked almost cautiously.   
  
Liam smiled slightly, happier than he’d like to admit that Harry had left the others to find him. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually had some time with him, not properly. He nodded in reply to the question.  
  
“I’ll have to remember that.” Harry sighed and leant forward onto the fountain edge, dipping his hand in and making ripples in the water. Watching it change under his touch.  
  
“As long as you promise not to tell anyone else.” Liam smirked lightly, yet meaning it wholeheartedly.  
Harry frowned slightly, catching the seriousness behind Liam’s exterior. He turned to face Liam, smiling and tilted his head. He gazed at him for the longest time, just taking him in. It had been so long since he’d seen this side of Liam – well, any side of Liam that wasn’t depressed or moody. He held his little finger out and smirked at Liam.   
  
Liam felt himself smiling wider than he had in a long time. He chuckled lightly and linked his finger with Harry’s. He almost squealed when the younger man managed to pull him forward and into him.   
  
“I promise.” Liam felt Harry’s breath on his neck at the whispered words.  
  
Liam willed himself not to shiver and instead decided to disguise it as a chuckle.   
  
Harry smiled at the sound and realised that maybe he didn’t have to be so worried about talking to Liam? He wasn’t sure why he was in the first place really, but Liam had been so distant for so long he’d began to wonder if he even knew how to talk to him anymore. But as he pulled the older man into a hug and felt him hug him back, he knew he’d been foolish to ever put off talking to him.  
  
-  
  
 _I can’t keep loving you...  
I can’t stop loving you with half of my heart._  
  
Harry lay with his head on Louis’ chest. Thinking about yesterday with Liam. Thinking about how stupid he had been to let it get this far, to let Liam get this far away when all he ever needed to do was talk to him to pull him back in. He promised himself he would do it from now on. That he’d get him back with the rest of the group one way or another. He needed him. He wanted him back; more than he’d like to admit.  
  
“Hey you. You’re thinking again.” Louis’ voice flittered through his thoughts, gently bringing him back.  
  
“Mmm. Can’t help it.” Harry mumbled into his chest, hand stroking his stomach through his top.  
  
Louis sighed and pulled Harry up level with him. He studied him for a second. He ran a hand through his curls and settled it on his cheek, stroking it with his thumb lightly. He adored this man, but somewhere inside him he knew he was losing him.  
  
Louis clutched at Harry and pulled him into him, desperately covering his lips his own. Harry was shocked, but instantaneously kissed him back. Like he always did. He held Louis tightly, knowing Louis needed it. Louis pulled at his top ripping it off and flinging it somewhere, quickly replicating the actions on his own. Harry had no idea where this had come from or why Louis’ was so pent up like this, but he knew better than to question it now. Louis would tell him eventually, right now he just needed Harry to go with it.  
  
It was desperate and fast and over far too quickly, and in reality it didn’t really help Louis to feel any better. Yes, he felt content being with Harry and knowing Harry would somehow always be there for him, knowing he’d do practically anything for him. But there’s always that nagging feeling lately that just won’t leave his mind. Something wasn’t right. Something had changed. Harry had changed; not much, but enough to change everything about them. Louis knew deep down Harry wasn’t into it. He knew Harry enjoyed it, he knew Harry loved him. But he knew it wasn’t enough. He knew it wasn’t how he needed him to love him.  
  
Louis held Harry tightly against his chest. He felt the younger man drop a kiss over his heart. How was he ever going to cope without this? He’d tried so long to get Harry, to keep him despite everything and to anyone else it would seem he has. And yes, in a way he supposes he does have Harry, but not how it appears. Harry isn’t unhappy with Louis per say, but he most definitely isn’t happy with the situation. He isn’t as happy as he could so easily be. He knows Harry would be happier with someone else, but Louis is too selfish to give him up yet. And he knows as long as Louis wants him, Harry will stay.  
  
He lifts his finger tip to Harry’s chin and tilts it towards him lightly. He smiles down at the younger man, leaning his forehead on his.   
  
“I love you.” He gentle words echo around the quiet room.  
  
Harry smiles lightly, but there’s something else behind those infinite eyes. Hurt. “I love you too.”  
It’s not enough.   
  
But even still Louis pushes it aside again and kisses him softly, gently; like he’s afraid of hurting Harry even more. He knows he’s hurting him by holding onto him. But he still can’t bring himself to pull away.  
  
-  
  
 _Don’t say a word just come over and lie here with me  
I’m just about to set fire to everything I see.  
I want you so bad I’ll go back on the things I believe_  
  
Liam chews at the remains of his ice-cream cone and licks his fingers clean.  
  
“Enjoy that?” Harry smirks as Liam comes and joins him on the sand.  
  
“Very much so.” Liam’s grins. He looks over to Harry, lounging next to him. He feels his stomach clench at the little strip of skin showing between Harry’s jeans and top. He wills himself to look up to his face, eyes covered by his aviators. He’s gorgeous. Liam could never deny that, yet he knows whatever it is he feels for Harry runs a lot deeper than the fact he’s easy on the eyes. He knows he loves Harry, but he knows there’s nothing he can do about that. Louis makes it quite clear Harry is his and Harry always goes back to Louis. He’s happy with Louis, yet here he is sitting with Liam on the beach while Louis is off with Zayn and Niall. Harry had decided to go with Liam instead. He couldn’t help but smile at how much time Harry had been spending with him lately. How much effort he’s put in to making him part of the group again. “Thank you.”  
  
Harry shrugs. “It was just an ice-cream.”  
  
Liam snorts. “Well yeah thanks for that too, but that’s not what I meant.”  
  
Harry moves his glasses down, peering at Liam over them. “I know.”  
  
Liam smiles and looks out over the sea, finding it calming and peaceful. He notices a little boy squealing and running to his mum. He makes an overzealous crab impression and Liam can’t help but chuckle.  
  
“What’s tickled your pickle?” Harry murmurs from beside him.  
  
Liam resists the urge to make a witty comeback and instead nods over to the boy pointing out his crab impression.   
  
“Poor kid, those things are nasty.” Harry shudders.  
  
Liam chuckles and shakes his head. “No they’re not; they just don’t like being poked around.”  
  
Harry raises an eyebrow to Liam. “They’re not very nice. Ever. Actually.”  
  
Liam shakes his head in argument, quickly smiling at the thought that crosses his mind. “Hey, remember Niall and the crab on holiday?”  
  
Harry laughs and nods. “It got his toe and we had to get the lifeguard to get it off!”  
  
Liam shakes his head. “If he’d have just kept still we would have been able to get it off ourselves.”  
  
“No offence, but I wouldn’t be keeping still either if some devil crab had me in its pinchers either!” Harry makes some ridiculous pincher gesture and shudders.  
  
“Crabs are not devils!”  
  
“They are!”  
  
“They’re not!”  
  
“Are”  
  
“Not”  
  
“Are”  
  
“Not. Niall was just overreacting and being a prat as usual.”  
  
“It’s normally Louis’ job to act the prat.” Harry chuckles. “Remember when he got his head stuck in the banister bars? Oh my god, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard.”  
  
“Now that is Louis at his best!” Liam laughs happily at the memory. “The poor firemen had to try not to laugh while cutting him out.”  
  
“And Lou’s face while they were sawing right near his head.” Harry shook his head, smiling. He couldn’t help but look over to Liam. Watching him laugh and joke with him. It felt good to be this close to him again.  
  
After a while of sunning himself, Harry can’t fight the feeling of being watched any longer. He opens his eyes to see Liam looking back at him. Harry frowns. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Nothing. It’s just... I’ve missed this, I guess.” Liam admits begrudgingly, blushing slightly at voicing it out loud to Harry.  
  
Harry sighs and drags himself up, throwing an arm around Liam’s shoulders and pulling him into his side.   
  
“You shouldn’t have had to miss this, Liam.” Harry tells him sincerely, regret lacing his voice. “Why did you pull away from us?”  
  
Liam shrugs, although he knows full well why. He won’t admit that to Harry, especially not now, not now he’s got his friend back. He needs Harry too much to do anything that could push himself out again.   
  
“Liam...” Harry sighs, turning his head and kissing Liam on the forehead gently. Liam tenses and melts at the same time. “I wish you’d talk to me.”   
  
“I wish I could.”  
  
Harry pulls back and holds Liam’s face in his hands, looking into him. “You know you can always talk to me.”   
  
Liam shakes his head lightly, eyes pleading with Harry to drop it.   
  
“Fine. But I’m always here.” Harry sighs and strokes Liam’s cheeks with his thumbs.  
  
\--  
  
 _No it's not personal  
Sorry if I'm hurting you   
Please don't give up on me now_  
  
The music was blearing out. The rubbish music as Harry had pointed out several times, not happy with Zayn’s collection. He figured he’d let him off since it was his birthday they were celebrating.   
  
Harry couldn’t stop smiling. He was finally getting his friend back and Liam had even had a proper conversation with Niall and Zayn earlier. Without it being awkward or weird. He couldn’t help but be proud of Liam for opening himself up to them again. It was still forced with Louis though, Harry noted and he wondered if there was really anything he could do about that or if it was something they would have to sort out between them.   
  
But right now he didn’t care. Right now sitting on the sofa with Liam and joking around, Harry was happy. Liam was Happy, and really that’s all Harry had wanted to do – make Liam happy again.  
  
Louis flung himself onto Harry’s lap. Drunkenly greeting the pair as he shuffled around to sit properly on Harry’s lap. Harry smiles warmly at the drunk man in his arms. Louis plants a loud kiss on Harry’s lips and leans his head down onto Harry’s shoulder, snuggling into him. Harry presses a kiss to his hair, chuckling lightly.   
  
Liam frowns at the sight. Of course Louis would remind him who Harry belongs to. Of course Liam couldn’t expect too much time with the younger man. Louis would always be the one Harry went too, that Harry melted into. Liam was just in the way. He got up and walked away without a word or second glance at the pair.  
  
“Liam...” Harry sighed, watching him walk away. He looked down at the drunk man in his lap. He sighs and pulls him closer.  
  
Louis presses flittering kisses along his neck and up to his Jaw lingering slightly. Harry’s heart clenches. He pulls him closer still. Louis responds as he always does, holding him back tightly and kissing his cheek. As if telling him it’s ok. Harry knows it’s not.  
  
It’s times like this Harry is almost sure Louis knows exactly what’s going on in his mind. But he wills himself not to think about it. He wills Louis not to act on it.  
  
He loves Louis. He really does.  
  
-  
  
 _Forgive me love,  
I can’t turn and walk away_  
  
Harry chuckles as Niall dunks Zayn under the water only to be dunked under himself by Louis not a second later. They’d been out in the pool for about half an hour now and Harry had been sitting on the side with his feed dangling in, watching their antics for a good 20 minutes now. But as he’s been sitting here watching the other guys kissing and teasing he’d realised, somewhat suddenly, he doesn’t feel the pull towards it. Towards them. He doesn’t feel the tight pull for Louis, not like he used too. Not like he’d once thought he had. He still felt a lot for the guy, and yes he still craved him sometimes, but lately Harry can’t seem to clear his mind enough to sort out his thoughts. All he knew is he couldn’t let him go, even if he could stop messing around with Niall and Zayn; he couldn’t let Louis go. Right now though, he just wants to sit here and watch them with this stupid smile on his face. He’s so glad he can call these people his friends. He knows, no matter what crazy shit might happen between them. He will always be able to call them his friends. He takes comfort in that.  
  
He watches as Louis turns to look at him, gesturing for him to join them. Harry smiles and shakes his head. He doesn’t have the energy for it today. Louis swims over and stands between his legs. He smiles up at Harry gently and lifts his head up. Harry chuckles and leans down t capture his lips, knowing it’s what he wants. Louis pulls away after a long moment and studies Harry, knowing there’s something on his mind. Knowing wholeheartedly what it is, but downright refusing to bring it up.  
  
Harry sighs as he feels Louis stroking his palms over his thighs and kissing his stomach gently. Harry knows he doesn’t need to talk to Louis, knows he understands the thoughts going on inside his head, he knows he doesn’t need to voice them for him to hear them. He feels Louis sigh into his stomach and tighten his grip.  
  
Harry wonders how long they can keep tightening their grip before they snap.  
  
-  
  
 _Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell?  
To the fact that we could have something that'll never happen._   
  
Liam walks around the quiet pier, it’s dark and the glow of the street lamps dance on the water beneath his feet as he sits on the edge. He legs dangling between the railings. There’s one lone seagull sitting atop the water, gliding along and singing. Normally Liam wouldn’t be able to stand the damn things, but he somehow felt at ease with the little guy being close to him. He didn’t feel so alone with the bird being there. Which was pathetic, he told himself. He was sitting alone on a pier with only a stupid seagull for company. A loud seagull, come to think of it. Liam huffed to himself as the bird swam around below him, chewing on the remains of a soggy ice-cream cone.  
  
Footsteps got louder behind him until a figure sat down next to him. Liam glanced sideways at them, snapping his head quickly once catching a glance.   
  
“Harry?”  
  
Harry turned to him, smiling softly. “Hi.”  
  
“What are you...?”  
  
“You weren’t at home. Again.” Harry sighed and looked out to the sea. “I don’t want you to pull away again Liam.”  
  
Liam exhales and mimics Harry’s actions, turning to face the open water. “I don’t mean too, Harry. It’s just, I feel like I don’t belong at the house anymore. I feel like you guys have a home there and I’m just the squatter you can’t get rid of.”   
  
“Liam!” Harry practically gasps in shock. “That’s  _complete_  bullshit.”  
  
Liam shrugs, licking his lips and biting at his bottom one. “That’s how I feel.”  
  
“Liam?” Harry tries to get Liam to look at him. He needs to make him understand how wrong he was, how so completely wrong he had got the situation. “Liam, look at me.”  
  
But Liam refused, keeping his focus on the seagull still swimming below his fee, cone now eaten.  
  
“Liam, for god sake!” Harry huffed and grabbed his shoulders knocking him down and sitting over him.  
  
Liam looked astounded, flabbergasted at being horizontal with Harry hovering over him so suddenly.   
  
“Sorry, but you were being stubborn.” Harry smirks at Liam’s reaction.  
  
Liam chuckles despite himself; he closes his eyes and shakes his head, willing his thoughts to stay at bay. To stay platonic.   
  
“Don’t bloody close your eyes now, you tool!” Harry chuckles and slaps Liam’s shoulder lightly. Smiling brightly when Liam opens his eyes. He manoeuvres Liam around so he’s sitting up, Harry practically in his lap. “You know everything you’re thinking isn’t true. You’re part of us. You always have been you always will be. We all want you back how you were, but you won’t let us in. You won’t come back to us, Liam. We miss you.”  
  
Liam forces his sudden tears down to look at Harry who rests his forehead against his own.  
  
“ _I_  miss you.” Harry’s hands find their way to Liam’s hair and stroke through it, rubbing his nose with his own.  
  
Harry’s  _so close_ ; Liam can feel his nerves building. He’s not used this; he’s not used to feeling someone hold him close. Liam can’t help but gasp lightly, squeezing Harry closer and letting his eyes fall shut. He wants to stay like this with Harry, doesn’t want to face going back home and being pushed away again. He feels Harry’s lips press gently to his own and he flinches in shock, feeling Harry’s hands grip his hair tightly.  _Oh god_. He clutches at Harry, not wanting to let him go. Wanting to know this is real; that he’s really here. He sighs into the younger man’s mouth and reciprocates it willingly, feeling at ease with him. Finally getting a flash of what he’s been longing for, but he has to remind his self Harry is like this with all the boys, he kisses all the boys. You’re not special Liam, he reminds himself. Nonetheless, he can’t help but press back desperately and open his mouth to Harry’s gentle nudge.   
  
Harry melts into it as Liam yields into him, allowing him in. He hadn’t meant to kiss him. Didn’t plan it, but he couldn’t pull himself away. This was how it was  _meant_  to feel. He was supposed to feel lightheaded and breathless; he was supposed to be yielding for more. His chest was supposed to feel comfortably tight and his stomach was meant to be dancing up a storm. He hadn’t felt like this for a long time.  
  
And suddenly, as Liam makes a gentle noise and strokes his fingertips down his spine, he knows why.  
  
This is where he’s meant to be.  
  
But he can’t be here. He shouldn’t be doing this.  
  
He should be back home with Louis. Back where Louis knows where he is and what he’s doing.  
He should have cleared it with him first. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to get carried away out in the darkness of the pier with Liam. He shouldn’t be this weak for him.   
  
\--  
  
 _I never meant you any harm  
But your tears feel warm as they fall on my forearm._  
  
“You kissed him?!” Louis screams.  
  
“Louis, it’s not a big deal. We kiss Niall and Zayn all the time. Hell we do a lot more than kiss them so I don’t know why you’re getting so worked up about this?! It’s the damn same, Liam is part of this group too. It may have escaped your notice but he’s one of us as well!” Harry screams back, defensive.  
  
“Of course he is! I know that! I love the guy to death, but you...We...It’s not the same is it?” Louis loses his scream half way through, voice fading into defeat.  
  
“What?” Harry’s voice falters.  
  
“It’s not the same Harry. When you kiss Niall or Zayn or whatever, it’s fun, it’s harmless, and it means nothing. You’ve always been mine, even when those situations arise we all know it’s different between us, there’s something more there.” Louis, lip trembles. He breathes heavily, pulling a hand through his hair.  
  
Harry cautiously steps forward and grips Louis’ shoulders, pressing their foreheads together. His voice gentle. “Of course there’s something more. There always has been, you know that.”  
  
Louis’ eyes open and bore into Harry’s own, glistening with unshed tears. “But it’s not enough is it?”  
  
Harry frowns, chest clenching. Tears gather behind his eyes.   
  
“I  _love_  you.” It’s all he has.   
  
“But not in the right way.” Louis’ voice breaks, getting shakier by the word.   
  
“Yes, in the right way.” Harry insists, truthfully.   
  
“But not enough.” Louis whispers out factually, finally.   
  
Harry opens and closes his mouth, but in the end he knows there’s nothing he can say to make this better. To make the situation change, to make himself feel enough to make it better.  _He can’t_.  
  
A tear falls down his cheek as his eyes close, forehead still against Louis’. Deep breaths lingering together. His hands grip at Louis’ shoulders, scared to let go. He feels Louis lean in and kiss away the tear. Pressing his nose to his cheek. Harry’s chest heaves with a sob, feeling Louis shake in his arms as well. He’s not sure who’s holding who up, but he knows he needs Louis. He can’t believe this is happening. Louis can’t be letting go. He has to hold on.   
  
Somehow they both end up in a heap on the floor, holding each other close and crying into each other’s embrace. Neither one prepared to let go. Neither one knowing what to say.   
  
 _Well I can't explain why it's not enough, Cause I gave it all to you.  
And if you leave me now, oh just leave me now.  
It's the better thing to do,  
It's time to surrender,  
It's been to long pretending._  
  
Harry awoke in the arms of Louis’ tight grip. His own arms holding the older man just as tight. Almost instantaneously he wanted to cry again. Knowing he can’t just push this away again. Knowing they can’t just ignore it this time. He chewed on his bottom lip to stop it quivering, looking up to Louis he found him sleeping, frown on his face and cheeks tinted pink from tears. He doesn’t know how long ago they’d fallen asleep, but judging by the look of Louis, it couldn’t have been that long ago. He softly brushed the hair from Louis’ face, cupping the older man’s cheek and feeling his own tears spilling over again. He  _couldn’t_  do this. He couldn’t live without Louis like this. This couldn’t be the last time Louis would hold him like this. He needed Louis like he needed his breath. But he knew this was it. He knew it was time to let it go and stop pretending. They had too.   
  
 _Anything other than yes is no.  
Anything other than stay is go.  
Anything Less than I love you is lying._  
  
Louis eyes fluttered open, falling into Harry’s own. Instantly Harry was pulled into an embrace, crushed to Louis’ chest, wrapped tightly in his arms. Harry breathes in deeply, savouring the embrace, his head falling into Louis’ shoulder. He wishes he could stay like this forever. Wished he didn’t have to leave the warm embrace he’d become so used to over the years. He was comfortable here, he liked it here. He loved Louis. He just wished he could love him enough.   
  
  
-  
  
 _It's okay not to be okay...  
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.   
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,   
Just be true to who you are_  
  
“Payne! Get here now.” Louis’ shaking voice boomed as he knocked on Liam’s door and moved to his own.   
  
Liam frowned, opening the door only to see Louis’ closing. Groaning, not knowing what Louis could possible want. Liam made his way down the hall and gently rapped on the door, pushing it open and almost gasping at the sight of Louis sitting on the edge of the bed, head held in his hands, slumped shoulders shaking with heavy sobs.   
  
“Louis?!” Liam rushed to his side, flinging an arm over his shoulder. Forgetting any resentment he held towards him. He was still one of his best friends and he would never want him hurt. “What an earth?”  
  
Louis shrugs him off, violently wiping at his eyes. He breathes deeply, clutching at the bed sheets and tapping his legs, letting out a long breath. He closes his eyes tightly.   
  
Liam watches in silence, not knowing what’s wrong or what to do. Whatever had happened was huge. Whatever it was had cut through Louis worse than he’s seen anything hurt him in all the years he’d known him.   
  
“Maybe I should go?” Liam gently touches Louis’ shoulder, willing him to calm down.  
  
“No!” Louis snaps. He sighs. “No, I’m sorry. If I don’t say this now I never will.”  
  
“Say what?” Liam’s voice is soft, urgent. Willing Louis to just come out with it so he can make it better. “Louis, what on earth’s happened?”  
  
“Something that’s been a long while coming. Something I should have done a long time ago, but was too damn selfish to let happen.” Louis wipes at the tears still falling. His breathing deep and erratic.   
  
“really fucking love him. And I swear to god...” Louis’ voice breaks and he runs a hand through his hair, breathing deeply. “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Letting him go is the hardest...” Louis shakes his head and abruptly pulls at Liam’s arm dragging him from the room into the hall. He stops outside the door, placing his hand flat on it for a moment and closing his eyes. It looks almost sentimental.  
  
Liam stands back and watches in confusion, in shock. He wasn’t sure exactly what had happened, but he was pretty sure he had a good idea. But what was Louis’ doing now? Why had he gone to Liam anyway?  
  
Louis turns around to him. Eyes bloodshot, breathing quick and unsteady. “You better look after him.”  
And with that gentle command, he knocked on Harry’s door and walked off to his own room.   
  
-  
  
 _I know I let you down, But it’s not like that now.  
This time I’ll never let you go._  
  
Harry opened the door lethargically, eyes rimmed in red. Liam felt his heart drop. His hunch was well and truly right. But why had it happened? Louis and Harry were inseparable, they were so in love. What happened?  
  
“Oh, Harry.”  
  
Harry fell into his arms, clinging onto him desperately. Yet, no tears fell anymore. Liam shuffled inside and closed the door. He picked Harry up and sat himself on his bed with the younger man settled in his arms, nuzzling into him. For a long while nothing was said. Harry sat, playing with a loose thread on Liam’s tee-shirt, feeling Liam’s hand running up and down his back comfortingly.   
  
Harry sighed. When he was with Louis he had never wanted to let him go. It hurts to think about ever letting him go. But now he was here, sitting with Liam and feeling him so close he realised why he  _had_  to let the other man go. Because this was where he was meant to be. This is where he belonged. He was comfortable and safe with Louis, but he needed this with Liam. He needed whatever it was that Liam brought to him. He loved Liam. Liam was the reason he couldn’t ever love Louis like he’d wanted too.  
  
 _I will be all that you want, and get myself together  
‘Cause you keep me from falling apart._  
  
Harry felt himself smiling when Liam’s hand stroked slightly under his top. It was an accident, of course and Liam had tried it brush it off and carry on rubbing his back through his shirt, but Harry had felt him suck in a breath.   
  
Harry chuckled and turned himself to straddle Liam so he could face him. He rose an eyebrow to him and crossed his arms.  
  
Liam chuckled and blushed, looking away. “Sorry.”  
  
Harry’s heart swelled at the sight, feeling his lips curve into such a wide smile. He bit his bottom lip, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Liam’s temple. He whispered gently into his ear. “It’s ok, you goon. I’ve been holding myself back for far too long to mind when you do things like that.”  
  
Liam felt his breathing stop. Harry had... “You what?”  
  
Liam’s head spun back to face Harry making him move quickly out the way. Harry sighed and reached a hand out to run through Liam’s hair. He smiled lightly, gaze wandering all over him. He shook his head slightly.   
  
“I love Louis, of course I do. But I was only ever really with him because he was all I knew, he was all I’d been allowed to know. I was so scared to let him go. I  _am_  scared. But then you started drawing away and all I wanted was to be close to  _you_. And I think Louis knew that on some level right from the second it happened. He tried to stop us falling apart, but in the end it was bound to happen.”  
  
“Why?” Liam whispered, hands clinging to Harry’s waist.  
  
Harry smiles brightly and presses a quick kiss to Liam’s nose. “Because I never loved Louis like I should. I’ve never loved him like I love you. I couldn’t.”   
  
Liam looked pale, shocked and confused. He could feel a smile fanning across his lips before he could stop it.  
  
Harry chuckles and strokes thumb over Liam’s smile, happy to see it return.   
  
“You?” Liam’s voice falters.  
  
Harry smiles and presses a kiss to Liam’s nose. “Love” he whispers and ghosts his lips over Liam’s “You.”  
  
Liam lets out a shaky breath against Harry’s lips. “I love you too.”  
  
“I know.”Harry chuckles and kisses him softly, fully. He pulls back, lips still touching Liam’s. “And I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry we hurt you” He kisses him again, lingering and stroking his hair affectionately. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting.”  
  
“You’re here now.” Liam smiles kissing Harry firmly, running his hands all over him because he wants too, because  _he can now_. Oh my god, Harry’s here. He’s here. With him. He pulls back only slightly, eyes boring into Harry’s. He strokes his hands through Harry’s hair and smiles at the little noise he makes. “It’s ok now.”  
  
Liam knew they had a lot of hard times to go through and Harry would need him probably more in the next few months than he would ever need him again. Louis would need time to finally come around and no doubt Harry would hate himself for a while as well. But Harry was here now. With him. And Liam knew somehow they’d be ok. Louis would be ok. It was real now; everything would be ok now.  
  
 _All my life I’ll be with you forever  
To get you through the day and make everything ok_


End file.
